As an entrepreneur, you have to get comfortable living in your own mental space because, well, you spend an awful lot of time there. Negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, and destructive emotional patterns are quarrels that many business owners face daily. Together, social workers turned coaches, Reina Pomeroy and Abby Howard, are helping entrepreneurs establish skills for becoming emotionally healthy… That way our businesses can be healthy and flourish, too (details below on their upcoming webinar that you will not want to miss)!
Both of these Gems were sweet enough to chat with me on their journeys, why it’s so important to pay attention to your head space, and how they’ve cultivated their own mental strength. While I had initially planned to pick and pull from each of their interviews to do a combined piece, I just didn’t have it in me to cut any of the personal stories and applicable tips they shared. So, up first we have Abby and then I’ll share Reina’s interview with you next week. Enjoy!
Give us a bit of background on your business journey, especially the transition you’ve taken from social work to coaching:
Now, looking back on the last couple of years of forming my business, I can see exactly how the path led me here, but in the process I had no idea I was en route to become an entrepreneur and a coach. Women’s issues and social justice have always been to passions of mine. For a while, I channeled these passions through doing anti-human trafficking work and by serving as a licensed clinical social worker (aka therapist). I worked with a coach a few years ago who opened my eyes to the world of coaching and running virtual businesses. The combination of being able to help people make transformative change and have freedom of location in my business aligned so much with my values and what I wanted to be doing with my life. I just started taking one baby step after another and now I am doing work that makes a difference and is so incredibly fulfilling (and fun!). I feel so lucky and believe it is so important to pay attention to and respond to those things that light you up – you never know where the path is leading.
How does your experience in social work give you a unique perspective on building a business?
Because I didn’t have a business background, I had a lot of catching up to do in learning how to run a successful business (bookkeeping, marketing, etc.), but thankfully there are some great teachers out there for that! For my actual coaching practice, I see a richness and depth in my work that I know I wouldn’t have without my social work background because I’ve had the honor of working with people from literally every walk of life (I’ve seen it all!). And, as a social worker, you learn to research the best practices for helping people make change – I use those strong ethical guidelines and ability to analyze results in my business to make sure I’m providing the highest quality coaching to my clients that I possibly can.
Owning a business is hard work! What do you struggle with the most internally?
Comparison can be big for me and/or the thought that someone else is doing it better than me so why should I try. Most women I know struggle with the “imposter complex” and that comes up a lot for me in marketing my business. I do a lot of active, internal work around that part of myself and have a great community of people who believe in me and don’t let me get away with playing small!
RELATED: How to Overcome Comparison and Collaborate Better with Others
Why is it so important to combat, or at least manage, negative thinking?
I think first it is important to not beat yourself up for having negative thinking. We have thousands of thoughts each day and some are negative, others positive, some daydreams, and so on. Awareness of where we are putting our attention is key, too. So, noticing if you are focusing more on the negative versus the positive thoughts. When you have self-compassion and awareness with your thinking (or anything for that matter) you’re golden. It doesn’t mean your problems will be solved or that it will all be easy, but it does mean you’ll be able to consciously address your negative thinking and learn from it without being pulled into a dark, negative spiral that could lead to feeling much worse.
Why do you think entrepreneurs neglect their mental health and overall wellbeing, yet are so willing to do whatever it takes for their business?
Mental health is a stigmatized issue across the board, regardless of our profession. It has become more acceptable to reach out for emotional and mental health support, but we still have a ways to go. And as a culture, we idolize “busyness” and “put togetherness” as if they are reflections of our character or morale. As entrepreneurs, there is an added pressure to have it all together and stay busy on our businesses so it takes so much vulnerability to reach out and say, “Hey, I’m a human, too, and I need support as much as anyone else.” It’s just really scary and if you’ve never reached out before and you’re working a lot on your own, those are added obstacles. I think, too, that there is so much competition between everyone’s individual brand that it can seem like if you show any signs of “weakness” then your business won’t excel. It comes from a very fearful place in all of us that is just normal, human behavior, but doesn’t always serve us to the fullest extent.
How do you structure your day in a way that promotes good mental health?
I have a very intentional practice of celebration and gratitude. Each morning I write down three things I celebrate and/or am grateful for. I do the same thing at night before I go to bed. And, I also make sure that I prioritize at least 3 self-care activities in my day. Sometimes this is as simple as “I’m going to eat 3 square meals, drink lots of water, and make sure to leave my computer on my desk vs. bringing it into my bedroom to work late into the night.” I also believe that a support system (that you actually utilize) is as important as the air you breathe. I have an amazing website designer, accountant, attorney, coaching colleagues, and friends that I know I can call on for support, advice, or an encouraging word. Even though I work alone from my home (which also happens to be way out in the country), I remind myself that I am never alone – I have a whole host of people supporting me that I just need to reach out to. And, I use a lot of the skills I’ll be talking about in the webinar to do proactive work with my negative self-talk. I remind myself that I may not have power over all of my circumstances, but I always have power over my thinking.
RELATED: Managing Your Business When Dealing with a Personal Crisis
What kind of pitfalls can result if we don’t pay attention to what’s going on in our mental space?
Oh man, this is a big question that I could talk for hours on. So, first I want to make a point about neurotypical privilege. Basically, this is anytime someone has the power over their thinking rather than having a developmental, cognitive, or severe mental health ability issue which can impede this ability. For many of us we do have neurotypical privilege and are able to control our thinking and pay attention to our mental space. So, when we don’t pay attention to our mental space, we will be at a higher risk for using negative coping skills (i.e. emotional eating, excessive shopping, binge watching television, etc.), we will experience less pleasure in life, and we will lower our sense of self-efficacy and self-esteem, which obviously can take a major toll on our businesses. And, obviously, sometimes really difficult things happen and we are going to feel sad, frustrated, or disappointed. It is in those times that paying attention to our mental space is even more key. This doesn’t mean we have to find a reason to “be happy” but rather we need to find ways of honoring our true emotions. If we don’t, those emotions take much longer to process and can become even more intensified or manifest in unfruitful behaviors.
What makes a business owner mentally strong?
Mental and emotional health are very unique to each person, but I think that for business owners there are 2 key elements that matter most. 1. Self-kindness 2. Mindfulness. Self-kindness is key because we know from years of research that people who treat themselves more like they would a close friend will experience more well-being, productivity, and be more responsible for their actions. The responsibility for your actions part is something I want to highlight because I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a client say they can’t be kind to themselves for fear they’ll just slack off. This is a lie our busy obsessed culture wants us to believe – the kinder you are to yourself, the more you will actually be able to prioritize healthy action. Mindfulness is important because without the ability to be aware of our thoughts and how we are relating to the world around us, it is impossible to grow and change. Mindfulness is the act of observing without judging and when we can observe our lives without judgment, we are more capable of making conscious choices that serve our lives rather than being reactionary and risking self-sabotage.
What do you wish someone would have told you about owning a business before you started?
“You don’t have to have it all figured out before you can start promoting your services.” I have this self-limiting belief that I have to know everything before I can be a good coach to my clients, and that is so not true! I get into this all or nothing thinking mode and trip myself up sometimes. It makes me forget all that I do know and I underestimate the power of my coaching skills simply because there are things I don’t know! I see a lot of entrepreneurs wait to start anything until they’ve got 12 letters after their name or have taken all these online courses. You’re good enough as you are! If you have the passion and brains to start a business, then you are one amazing human being that many people will benefit from hiring!!
Being entrepreneurs, I think we all have a bit of “shiny object syndrome” where we’re easily distracted by new and exciting ideas. How do you manage which thoughts to act on when you want to do #AllTheThings?
I believe that the more clear you become on where you want to go in both life and in your business, the easier it is to say no to things and conversely to prioritize the actions that will really help you achieve that vision. I get very clear each year (and then re-evaluate each quarter) what 3-5 goals I have for my business. Then, I ask myself when I’m deciding on whether or not to take on a project or a task if it will help me reach one of those goals. Also, I can’t overemphasize enough the importance of having a team. I call my friend Liz who also designed my website and say, “Hey I’m thinking about taking on ABC project – what do you think?” She’s always great at holding me accountable and telling me if it sounds like it is in alignment with where I really want my business to go.
I see you have a webinar coming up on developing healthy habits for emotionally happy entrepreneurs. Tell us about this and where to sign up!
Reina and I are hosting a webinar called “Healthy Habits for Emotionally Healthy Entrepreneurs” on May 26th at 3pm Eastern // 12pm Pacific. In this webinar, I am going to be talking about the major emotional health pitfalls entrepreneurs face and walk you through simple and yet highly effective steps for managing your negative self-talk. I think it is going to be really helpful and informative and a safe space to talk about an important, yet sensitive topic – emotional health.
What inspired you to team up and host this webinar?
Reina is amazing – she came to me with idea. We bonded in our coach training program over both being social workers who found our true calling in coaching. Reina is one of the most brilliant, heart-centered business owners I know. I was so honored when she reached out and so excited to collaborate with her on a project!
Why is this webinar going to beneficial to all business owners, not just those who are struggling mentally at the moment?
We all have bad days from time to time. Our emotional health exists on a spectrum and for some that spectrum can go to a darker place and for others, they might just have rainy days from time to time. Regardless, there are things that we can do to improve our emotional health in the moment! And, the stronger and more resilient we are emotionally, the stronger our businesses will be, too. Not to mention you just get to feel better, which don’t we all want a little more joy and happiness in our lives?
What have been some of your own failures, and what have you learned from them?
I’ve had a lot of “failures” and what is a failure, really? When things didn’t go as planned, my expectations weren’t met, or I did something I wouldn’t do again (i.e purchasing an online class that wasn’t useful/wasting money). There aren’t many true failures in running a business because that implies a hard dead end. We can always, always, always learn from everything and grow out of that learning to be even better in our lives and businesses on the other side. I launched a program a while back and didn’t do any market research beforehand. I’m the Queen of “let’s throw stuff against the wall and see what sticks!” Well, this did not stick and I was so disappointed. I got into a major funk for almost a week about about how “nobody wanted to work with me.” Then, I decided to celebrate that fact that it didn’t work at all. I realized that I had learned so much from it being a total flop! A) Market research is muy importante!!! B) In the process I taught myself how to create my own landing pages C) I got 3 new individual coaching clients in the process and D) I was forced to own my worth as a coach even when things don’t go quite as planned. My embarrassment melted away as I found all there was to celebrate in the flop and now I’m in the process of launching a program that I know is so much stronger because of that “failure.”
[Tweet “”There aren’t many true failures in running a business because that implies a hard dead end.””]Anything else you’d like to share with us?
I’m so honored to be a part of this interview and I’m really looking forward to sharing the upcoming webinar with everyone. I think as entrepreneurs it is important to remember we can all be in this together – there really is enough to go around and it is okay to have bad days and feel like you’re struggling (it means you’re human and not a robot!!). I’d love to share with you some of the tried and tested techniques that help with those bad days and create a safe space with you to talk about this important topic – the emotional health of entrepreneurs. If you have any specific questions, you can always reach out to me at abby@abbyshoward.com. I’m very response and would love to hear from you!
You can also find Abby on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
