Remember that wonderful book I raved about a few weeks ago, All’s Fair in Love And Wardrobe? Well superstar editrix Stephanie Simons has just shared an unpublished chapter of the book with me exclusively for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
Breakup Makeup:
Jenny had been dating Willis (a pseudonym) for seven months when, suddenly, a week long stay at his loft revealed more than the entire span of their relationship. He never flossed, used his breakfast dishes to accumulate toenail clippings, and occasionally blew his nose on his bed sheets.
Believe it or not, this isn’t what cinched their relationship’s demise. It was the collection of cosmetics she found under his sink, which led to the discovery of the other woman. Which led to her belief that conventional wisdom may be true…All the good men are taken, and the slobs are pretty much spoken for, too. Jenny told her friend Eve about the feminine artifacts she’d found at Chez Willis—from the bejeweled compact to the kiwi-scented deep conditioner—but she was desperate to maintain her own fevered optimism and offer some potential explanations. She rationalized the compact as his sister’s (not a chance, he was an only child) and the conditioner as confirmation of his blatant metrosexuality (please, the man didn’t have a hairbrush to his name).
As far as Jenny was concerned, the jig was up. The next day, she discovered the other woman was a friend of hers who also had an obsession with beauty products.
In the days following the discovery, Jenny sought solace in the very thing that cinched the breakup: makeup. A visit to a primping powerhouse seemed like the most effective method of rehabilitation and so she found herself in the cosmetics department at Saks Fifth Avenue, famous for offering free makeovers to the walking wounded. The playground of pulchritude—with its seemingly infinite rows of jars, tubes and promising potions—was as comforting as a cold cucumber mask. Powders, shadows and glosses abounded, and there was certainly enough color to wash away the blues.
That afternoon, Jenny picked out a chocolate-flavored gloss, adding to her already impressive collection, and took delight in its immeasurable power to attract the opposite sex, including the handsome specimen in the parking garage who was loading his BMW with a few new purchases of his own. (Did we mention he was a friend of two-timing Willis? How small the world is!)
In retrospect, it’s hard to determine whether their conversation started as a result of Jenny’s (transparent) gloss or the smile it put on her lips, but it leads us to the moral of this story: cosmetics will always serve up a unique type of therapy and, sometimes, it’s a cocoa-flavored taste of one’s own medicine.
Don’t forget to pre-order your copy of All’s Fair In Love And Wardrobe!
Can’t get enough? Join us for the all day Twitter release party on Tuesday, July 15th! Ms. Love & Wardrobe herself will be on her re-tweet game so be sure to share your reviews, favorite quotes and/or photos with the book! This is serious people! Stephanie has even taken the time to curate a master list “of funny, charming people who I promise will light up your Twitter feed,” so you don’t want to miss out! All you have to do is go Twitter crazy with the hashtag #LoveAndWardrobe.
If you are a dazzling blogger or press personnel and would like a digital copy to preview while you anxiously wait for the release, please contact yours truly at press@allynlewis.com. <3
Click to check out my previous interview with Stephanie!
Illustrations by Malia Carter of DeepFriedFreckles.com
