Over the past few years, we’ve seen so many different opinions on how to build confidence and how to truly love ourselves. We praise celebrities that admit that they, too, have stretch marks and we celebrate every plus size model strutting down the runway. We have developed such a fixation on confidence coming from accepting our outward appearance that we do not realize our greatest source of confidence comes from our own strength. Without looking at confidence as multi-faceted and complex concept, we lose sight of how our experiences—both painful and pretty—play an equally important role in the of developing confidence and loving our appearances.
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To be honest, confidence coming from a source outside of body positivity didn’t exist in my world for many, many years of my life. It wasn’t until I went on a date with a man who had recently returned from a deployment to Afghanistan that I had started to understand all the ways that confidence can manifest itself. At this point in our relationship, we had dated long enough for him to know about my battle with low self-esteem and confidence issues. I remember the way he looked at me when I explained that if I just worked out harder, lost a few more pounds, and got a new hairstyle, that I would finally feel good about myself.
Looking at me across the table slightly baffled, he shared this with me:
I sat there, stunned and feeling a bit foolish. After all my reading and writing on self-love, how could I have never thought to find my confidence from my worst experiences? How could I have ever held my head down in fear and worry in a situation that pales in comparison to some of my darkest moments? Most importantly, how could I have spent so many years terrified of things that I have already shown myself that I can conquer?
Loving your body is important, but feeling confident in your ability to survive all that life throws at you is incredibly valuable. So I leave you with this: trust yourself. With that trust in yourself, allow it to blossom into bright and beaming confidence because you deserve it, because you have already earned it. You have endured ugly moments and stressful situations. You have proven to yourself that you are strong and capable and valuable. You have limitless potential and incredible perseverance. Let that be the fire that ignites your confidence.